IWas molasated by cousin?

When iWas youngg me&my cousins(boys)& my cousin erica would go 2 my grandmas housee&when it would be time 2 go 2 sleep &iWas asleep my cousin would try 2 mess with mee&pull my pants downn& iD sayy stopp please, but then one dayy iWas really sleepy& just feel asleep then he stuck his in me&iDidnt feel it till it started hurting then iPushedd himm off, & as he got olderr his younger brother started messin with me& tried to have x with me& now im like scared iFeel so gross with myself iCant bear to look at myselff& iT lasted when i was 4 till iWas 12(& im 13 noww&they still tryy itt')& i cant get it out of my headd, iJust break downn& iHave a boyfriend whos tellin me i should tell my mom iWant to but im scaredd to what shell think of me keepin it a secret so longg' what should iDo??):